Finding that Elusive Balance

The fast paced world that we live in, constantly in a state of flux, with rising uncertainties, changing mores and notions, fads and ideas, finding that balance has become an increasingly arduous task. Young families who have started out with great promise and excitement are facing the maximum brunt, not being successful in handling it, they are going into a tail spin ending in terrible stress, break up and total mess. Pressure at work, scrambling to meet deadlines, handling finances, finding time for personal growth and faith, taking care of health, family- being a loving husband and a caring father,  socialising, finding your creative space and pursuing one’s passion, the list goes on and on. Honestly one might be wondering how on earth can I find time to manage all these. The pressure and stress might be getting onto our heads, there are many who have given up and taken refuge in alcohol and there are alarmingly innumerable marriages on the brink of divorce or have already gone through that painful process just because they failed to maneuver wisely through this maze. How can one find balance in all this? Is it really possible to balance all the aspects of life?

The five major F’s of life – Faith, Family, Firm, Finance, Fitness  are the ones that are crucial and irreplaceable which we need to focus on, probably one can add Friends and Fun to it, but the first five are the ones that hold the keys to a good life. Let’s unravel them a little bit.

Faith – That is our core, without this we are totally lost, confused, tossed around, as Blaise Pascal would call it - a mere Vacuum desperately wanting to be filled. Our faith in God, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, unconditionally loving and eternally good gives us the hope and peace to face anything in life, He is our anchor through the storms of life. We are persuaded and convinced that whatever happens and whatever we might be going through right now, our God is in control and he will work everything together for good because He loves us and we love Him in return. Romans 8:28. We are called to abide in Him and grow to be more like Him and we grow in faith by the simple disciplines of prayer, word and witness. If we neglect this we are in unimaginable peril of shipwrecking our lives.

Family – this is where the joys and fulfilment of that balanced life overflows or it can also be the place where the tension and stress of the imbalance might find an outlet, often in unpleasant and deeply regrettable ways. Family is the smallest and basic unit of the worshipping community that God instituted; this is where our faith needs to be truly lived out but sadly in the rat race of life, family is the most neglected and least cherished aspect. Family is where each one of us is irreplaceable, no one! I mean absolutely no one can substitute our place and role as a husband or a father or a wife etc. Many good believers, even spiritual leaders make the appalling mistake of taking their wife and children for granted until it is too late. The biggest irony of it all is that we slog, break our backs and make all the money for this entity called family but we spend the least amount of time with them. Do we spend enough time with our spouse and children, do we listen to them and love them?

Firm – our work or vocation is where we spent a good part of our waking hours. This can be place of our passion, our creativity or the place where we just make a living. This can also turn out to be the place of our significance, fame or our very identity depending on our perspective of work and our self-worth and also depending on how high we are in the echelons of power. It can give us energy and life and on the other hand it can drain us of life and make it very stressful if our significance and self-worth is tied up with it. When firm takes precedence over faith and family things go topsy-turvy. Our view of work and How God views it, if it is in sync, we are in the right place.

Finance – Our perspective on this ‘F’ can make or break our life. Money is the aspect where many of us become very touchy and sensitive that we don’t want to talk about it. Finance is one area where the Bible has lots to say whether it be the right perspective on it or the right way to use it. Faithful stewardship of finance can be an amazing blessing and a liberating aspect for our life. Bible says clearly that Love of money is the root cause of all evil 1Tim 6:10 and the misuse, misappropriation and greed of money can destroy lives and families to no extent. A godly perspective that we are not the owners of it but we are just managers or stewards of Gods resources for a time here on earth can liberate us to use it for His glory. As Jesus warned us in Mathew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money”.

Fitness – we proclaim and believe that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit but many of us have no qualms on freeloading it with Junk  or excess food, we let this temple go out of shape, bloat and get into all kinds of disorder. For many of us fitness is the last thing on our minds because God said everything that He created is good so rise up and eat. Well the problem is by the time we realise the danger we become a sitting duck for a factory of diseases and a live specimen for the doctors. The truth is that, the whole thing could have been averted well in advance with a little bit of focus and effort on regular exercise, proper diet, adequate rest and fitness. 

We have looked at the five F’s, but most probably you already know them and have made attempts to get them right. Well here are few tips at finding that balance with these five F’s.

1.     Prioritize – you would have already noticed the order in which I have listed them, that can be a good way of prioritizing but that is not the only way. You might have your own reasons for prioritizing them differently but the key is this; keep the main thing as the main thing and I believe firmly that in the center of it all, the number one Priority is God and if we can have Him as the number one in our life then everything else will automatically fall in place. By prioritizing, what we are saying is that, this is where I am going to spend most of my time, efforts and energy on, but that in no way means that I can focus on one or two of the F’s and choose to neglect the others. A constant refrain is, “where is the time, I am so busy” yes we have so many things on our plate but then we might have to sacrifice some of it for the greater good of finding that balance in life. So how would you prioritize the five F’s? 

2.     Set goals and make short term plans for each of the F’s – The question is what do I ultimately want to see in each of these five F’s? Can I picturize it? If yes, pen it down and then set achievable next steps to grow and accomplish that Goal. The best way to do this is by asking what do I want to see happen in my faith, family, firm, finance and fitness by the end of this year and how am I going to reach there?

Don’t make it like the big new year resolutions which are mostly discarded a week later, start with small steps like setting apart a day in a month to be with the family- going out, just chilling out together and enjoying each other or a personal retreat- a day out with the Lord or it can be taking that step of walking 15 minutes every day to get into shape or it can be that simple step of budgeting your monthly expense and planning to save some or invest it somewhere.

3.     Follow routines - Daily routines are very important, as someone said anything that we do continuously for over 28 days can become a lifelong habit and believe me, this is true! if you don’t believe just try it.  Try this for starters, have a 30 minute personal quiet time in the word and prayer for 28 days continuously and then no one will have to remind you to do it, it becomes a normal routine of our life.

4.     Set Boundaries - Knowing our personal boundaries and setting them is key for finding balance, Bible says there is a ‘time for everything’ in life Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  and then in Mathew 5:37 we are reminded, let our ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and ‘no’ be ‘no’. If we cannot say ‘No’ be wary of the freeloaders and coat tail riders, they will add more things on to our plate and we will be soon hard pressed. If we respect ourselves and our boundaries then people will instinctively respect our boundaries.

5.     Be accountable – once we have set goals and started working on it, it is great to hold ourselves accountable to someone whom we trust; for example our spouse or a mentor. Share it with them, talk about progress and struggles and pray over it together. The easiest promises to break are the ones that we make to ourselves, so stick to it and be persistent.

6.     Evaluate – It is good to take stock of our progress once in a while, Am I on track? How am I doing in each of these five F’s? Am I Successful in balancing these five areas to my satisfaction? Where do I need to change and make corrections? Make those course corrections and press on towards that goal of a balanced and fulfilling life. Jesus promised in John 10:10 I have come that you might have life and have it to the full- and abundant and overflowing life.