The Father Job

Being a good Dad- a legacy worth leaving

A shocking statement that rocked me out of my routine life was not from my boss or from a colleague or friend, but it was from my 9 yr old boy when he came up to me and said, “Papa you are always in meetings or travel or with your computer and even at home you are checking mails and you don’t have time for us”. It was a rude awakening call for me and I decided, “That is it!  I need to do something about it or I will be messing up my kid’s life forever and end-up a horrible father, I never desired to be one”.      
Recently I was playing badminton with my two boys; they were super excited that I was playing with them and spending time with them. In fact I could see the enthusiasm and spring in the younger ones stride when he came and asked me if I could play with them and I said yes and he ran home to get the rackets. I had been telling them that I will join them to play and had not been able to make it up for some time. Well, as most of the times the game ended in dispute and rising tempers due to someone loosing which was as usual patched up almost immediately. But the memorable thing for them was that I was playing with them and they were enjoying the time with their dad. Someone recently told me to make the most of it  while they are still small because once they come to their teens they would not be as excited  to “play” with their dad, they would rather prefer their friends instead. Well I don’t totally buy into that view, I am of the belief that ultimately it will depend on how close you are with your kids when they were young. 

One of the most touching stories that I have come across is of a father who had become old and was staying alone, he was constantly asking his only son who was working in the corporate field to come and visit him and spent time with him. But the son for some reason or the other was always coming up with excuses of being busy and could not make it. One day the father happened to walk into his son’s room where he stayed as a boy and was looking through his belongings and he came across a diary that his son had maintained as a teenager. He casually flipped through the pages and in many of the pages he found that the son had scribbled out on many days, “dad very busy today, no time to talk to me”, “always in meetings and travel, today also he had no time to spend with me,” but as he came to one page which was colored and marked with stars and flowers he paused. He read through what was written and tears streamed down his eyes as he read through. His son had written the date “25 of March Saturday, the greatest day of my life. I and my dad went out for fishing, I got to spend time with my dad for the whole day and we talked and joked and caught a lot of fish, unforgettable!” As he sat down there on his sons bed he only had a vague memory of that day and thoughts came flooding back of those times when he was a big successful manager with not much time for the family, always in meetings or travelling and many a time his son as a small kid had walked into his room to talk or to play with him but he had turned him away or just ignored him fully busy with work. His heart sank down at the realization that his son was doing the same thing that he had done years ago as a dad. 

As the old proverb goes, “time and opportunity lost is lost forever”. As dads how we wish if we could ever rewind and go back in time to rectify the wrongs that we had committed or the neglect that we have done with our kids.  The greatest investment in our kid’s life is “time” well spent with them in their growing up years. It is a small window of time but a crucial window that can break or make our future relationship with them and affect their personality forever. 

Another more important truth is the kind of spiritual impact you can have on your kid, the way they are going to approach and relate with their heavenly father is very much dependent on their view and relationship with their earthly father and this makes it all the more important for us as dads to take this matter seriously and give it all our attention. `                                                                            

      

Tips to be a good Dad - What I have seen, read, heard and trying my best to do:

1.      Intentionally set apart time in your daily schedule to spend quality time with your kids. This can be playing with them or simply listening to them or telling a story to them. I will never forget that it was my dad who taught me how to cycle, play football and badminton and those moments are etched in my memory forever.

2.      “Listen” to your kids; “actually listen” to them when they are talking to you. Make sure that you are giving them your undivided attention not looking at TV or your computer screen or doing something else and trying to listen to them, how would you like it if someone else does that to you while you are talking to them?  Make sure that while you are listening to them you are looking at them, make eye contact and if your kids are very young sometimes it is good to kneel down to their height so that they don’t have to always speak up to you. 

3.      “Express” your love to them in tangible ways, you know that you love them but how will they know unless they see it. Many of us as the “man in the house” are stingy with our emotions and feelings, we hold it back and regret later. Don’t hesitate to lavish your love on your kids, tell it to them, hug them and buy occasional gifts for them. 

4.      Be open and approachable. Some of us have grown up with dads who are strict and were not easily approachable; we would hesitate to go to him directly but would often go through our moms who will act as a liaison for us. Well we all know that this is not something healthy to perpetuate and as dads we need to be their best friends, this can happen only if we are open and transparent before them. Allow them to watch your life but be sure that you are a good model. 

5.      Once in a while take them out for adventure or fun activities like trekking, fishing, traveling to new places or making things together which create a lot of bonding. They will never forget those times. 

6.      Discipline them not in anger but out of your love for them and don’t forget to explain to them later the reason for the disciplining.                                   

7.      Appreciate them for who they are and also for their strengths and talents. Treat them as individuals with much value; never speak ill of them or put them down before others. Think twice before you compare them with your neighbor’s kids or their class mates. This doesn’t mean that you pamper them and give in to all their whims and fancies and spoil them. 

8.      Pray for them, pray with them and show them how they can communicate to their heavenly father and listen to Him from the word. It is a legacy worth leaving.